People told me once I had more children, I'd "get over" the loss of a baby. That's like saying once you get a prosthesis, you'll get over losing a limb. Or, once you get an organ transplant, things will be fine. You go on, but you are changed by the experience.
Since I lost the first baby to miscarriage 14 years ago, I have been blessed with Joshua, Caleb, Bethany, Emily and Hannah. My children give me great joy and with Brandon and Amanda keep my life very, very full. I have great joy and I laugh throughout my day. There is still this ache inside my heart for the three children I did not get a chance to raise.
Sarah would be around 14 today.
Rebecca would be around 5.
Josiah would be around 4.
I do not wallow in grief and am not a person who exhibits a lot of external emotion. While it is not something I try to hide, most people who know me do not know about my miscarriages. By the grace of God I get up, I go on, but I have been changed by the loss of my children.
Today is the day I miscarried my daughter Rebecca. She fell out of my body onto the floor of my bathroom. She was as long as my thumb and I could see her eyes, lips, nose, fingers, toes and tell her gender. She was beautiful.
Thank you Lord for gracing my womb with her tiny, delicate form even if for only a short while. Thank you so much for healing and the promise of Heaven. There will be an eternity's worth of rejoicing to do in Your Presence!
If you lost a child through miscarriage, stillbirth, abortion, or another loss, I am praying for you today and send you my love.