Wednesday, January 25, 2012


I found out five days ago I have been lied to repeatedly by another person I trusted. That person had lied to me about something from 2005-2007. I found out, forgave them, and gave them another chance. Well, they did it again. To my face, they were pretending to care while they were harming me behind my back. My heart hurts; my mind is overwhelmed. If it had been one thing, I think I'd be OK, but stuff just keeps coming. Some of it is big and and some of it is small, but in the last fifteen months there have been many, many stressful situations close together.

God says to forgive, show them love at every turn, and work with them. So, I am trying. The anger pops up now and again but that is easier to deal with than the deep hurt. This has reduced me to bouts of heavy sobbing every day. I have had some very low points, but have never been this bRoKeN. I have barely been able to function the last few days. It's like my mind and body are demanding a "time out" for a little while.

Still, God is God and He sits on His throne. I cling to His promises each day and seek Him out for reassurance when I grow weary. I am casting my burdens at His feet...and often picking them back up ....and learning how to drop them yet again. I know each trial serves a purpose and is molding me more like my Father for the future He has ordained for me. He puts my tears into His bottle; they do not escape His notice or concern. He is acquainted with all my ways; nothing I feel or do surprises Him so I can freely share my heart with Him without holding back. My Father knows the good, the bad, and the ugly in me. I can be me when I go to Him and He will not turn me away.

Since I accepted Jesus' blood atonement for my sins, He calls me His child. I know nothing can ever separate me from Him. I know in His wisdom He does things that don't make sense to me just as I make decisions for my children that do not make sense to them now.

He is God and He has opened the door on all of these challenging things for a plan and a purpose. It's a difficult time, but I know something good is being accomplished through it. I have been knocked down hard over and over again. I am reaching out for the Lord to put me back on my feet so I can continue this race.

Father, please send me a period of rest. Help me to truly forgive those who hurt me. Forgive me for where I have failed and keep me humble enough to apologize when I have wronged others. Strengthen me and renew my focus on the priorities You have for me. Let me let go of my "to do" list and replace it with Yours. Open my eyes and heart to let me learn all I can through this period so I can become more like You. Don't let fear of more disappointment rule in my heart, but let me treat and receive every single person the way You want. Show me when to trust and when to question. Teach me when to hold on and when to let go of relationships. Let me grow as close to you as I possibly can while on this earth. Please don't let me disappoint You.

Psalms 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Psalms 55:22 Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.

“Leave the broken, irreversible past in God’s hands, and step out into the invincible future with Him.” ~ Oswald Chambers