Friday, March 28, 2014


I packed up Isaac's things today. The positive pregnancy tests, the ultrasounds, the things we had purchased for him that we didn't donate, the cards from everyone, our hospital bands, his very tiny clothes someone made for babies his size, etc. I had them in a hidden spot in my room and had been avoiding even looking at it afraid it would knock me down again. I got it done and am OK. 

I think of all of my babies every day, and my arms often ache for them. I can still feel Isaac's tiny form and small weight in my arms. I know where my children are and what God promised. God has given me an incredible ministry to hurting women through my losses. I would not have been as effective in helping others, a very bright spot in my life, if I had not had those painful experiences. Those who know Christ fully understand it is possible to experience real joy and peace in the midst of suffering. 

Last month, I spoke to a woman who abruptly exhibited great anguish in a store because her father had just died. I did not know this 60ish year old woman. She just looked up at me and said "My daddy just died." Then she started bawling her heart out. There were no words I could offer her just then because the compassion God has given me for those hurting had me crying with her. But, that is what touched her and gave her strength to go back to work. I think God allowed me to be there at that time and to react in that manner for a reason. I am asking Him to give me a chance to share Him with her soon. It will be interesting to see what my losses have reaped once we are on the other side of Heaven. I believe I will gain far more through Christ than the short period of time my children and I lost together on this earth.

I believe God also has a special plan for mothers and babies who were separated too soon. I believe that because that is His nature...a loving, giving, Father who cares so deeply for and gives good things to His children. In the meantime, I am trying to keep my eyes on Him and am doing my best to focus on serving Him as time marches forward. 

Psalm 37:18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.