Saturday, February 18, 2012

Can Stress Cause a Miscarriage?
 There are many more articles on how stress affects the hormonal levels in pregnant women, especially in the first stages of pregnancy.

Yes. Doctors believe the extreme stress caused by a person's open hostility towards our entire family last year after they saw our pregnancy announcement resulted in my miscarriage January 1, 2011. According to church leadership, what they said was a curse against each one of us which hoped for the downfall of our family. The pregnancy was going along fine until their nasty reaction to it. I had never before then had a miscarriage once the HG hit me.

This person had come back into our lives in November of 2010 after many painful ins and outs. Clint and I prayed and asked God to reveal their heart for our family and immediately after that prayer, wow! They did something very hateful.

This caused an extreme amount of stress. At that point, the hCG levels began to fall. The baby soon died. Over the last few days as the current situation has deteriorated, I have had to accept there will be no happy ending in this relationship. As a result, my mind is forcing me to come to terms with ALL of it. It's hard. I am not angry or resentful. I am deeply saddened and brokenhearted.

We decided to keep the doctor's reason for the miscarriage to ourselves in case they would take joy in it, and also so it would not hamper things if there could be a relationship down the road. They did come back into our lives, but it was to seek their own gain. They were hiding property from Clint for four years and could no longer hide it due to circumstances.

They came into our lives this October and admitted once we discovered what they were hiding that they were not going to tell us until February or March so they could "build a relationship." They manipulated me to get to Clint. I was the "easier" prey, I guess.

We found out about the scheming after we noticed inconsistencies in their words and actions which led us to start praying God would reveal their heart for us. Right after that, we received a bill for insurance put in Clint's name without his knowledge or permission. When we called the insurance company, we learned they had lied about the dates they obtained the insurance as well.

When we discovered all of this, they admitted it and then immediately asked my husband to give it them!! That is why they wanted to "build a relationship" before we knew what they were scheming. They thought if Clint felt close to them, he would give it to them. My husband is the sole provider for nine people. He often works overtime, weekends, and has a second job. He has had two financial blows due to natural disasters. For years, I have been praying God would ease Clint's burden and provide him with a financial blessing. This person is not destitute by any means, but they esteemed themselves more worthy of Clint's property than Clint. They esteemed their wants to be more important than our family's needs. The pride and greed in that kind of thinking astounds everyone who has heard the story.

Clint's name is right there in black and white on the same court papers that informed them they owned the property jointly with Clint in 2007. We will produce those documents for anyone who wishes to see them. Should they tell you they didn't know where Clint was at that time, we have court submittable documentation which disproves that also. You see, our lawyer had the same thing happen to her, and she already knows what we need to prove our case. God has blessed us by quickly putting everything we needed to prove our side into our hands!

Clint and I were willing to let them into our lives, but they came in with selfishness, greed, lies, manipulation, and scheming. Even after that, we forgave them and welcomed them anyway because our love for them was deeper than our hurt and disappointment. We have given them over a dozen verbal and written invitations including an open one where they could pick the date and time to get to know and be a part of our family which they said was their reason for returning into our lives. In five months, they have not come to see us once. They have not invited us into their lives either. This pretty much summed up for us what they were truly after. When I brought up the miscarriage to them, they never said they were sorry we lost our child. They acted like I had not spoken.

Last week, I asked the Lord to have them call and talk about the thing that interested them the most: a relationship or the money. They called Clint the next day. All they spoke about was the money. That was the point I finally gave up holding out hope and accepted God has been showing us every step of the way. There is no real (godly) love for us in them.

Now, all we want is for them to go their own way and leave our family in peace. Showing love towards us is something that escapes their abilities. They prefer to believe their illusions about us rather than face the reality they are wrong about the past. They have given us affirmation we had done all we could then too. People who love you do not act the way they have.

When they came back into our lives, all we wanted was to welcome and love them. We did this. Even after we knew what they had done, we put our words into action. We gave them gifts, spent hours cleaning the property they had neglected, left them notes to reassure them of our love, and tried to keep the communication flowing. They couldn't reciprocate.

I can only assume they will rejoice over the revelation in this post. That is another reason I never shared what we were told about the miscarriage. Now, I don't care what they do. I need to accept them for who they are, accept the ways this has cost my family, and move beyond hoping for a happy ending that isn't going to happen.

I am done with it. My healing is beginning today.

Our actions towards them have not been in vain. Our Father saw our efforts and knows our hearts. He will bless us for forgiving them and being willing to befriend them. I know my God. There is a blessing in this somewhere.