A Heart that Loves Anyway

I thought this would be particularly comforting to my friends who live with this pain. These are not my words, but I felt they were worthy to share.

Dear You,

If no one has told you this today, let me be the first - what you're carrying is heavy.

And you shouldn't have to carry it alone. There's a particular kind of ache that comes from loving someone who doesn't seem to love you back.

Especially when that someone is your child.

Your grown child.

The one you once rocked to sleep.

The one you packed lunches for, worried over, and prayed for more times than you can count.

You loved them with your whole heart.

Still do.

But now they barely call.

Maybe they don't call at all.

Or when they do, it feels cold.

Distant.

Like you're strangers asking too many questions.

And it hurts more than you can put into words.

You wonder what you did wrong.

What you missed.

You replay moments from the past like old movies, hoping to find the scene where everything shifted.

You whisper apologies in your mind for things you didn't mean to say, or things you never got the chance to say at all.

You ask yourself, "was I too strict?"

"Was I too soft?" "Did I fail them somehow?"

You are not alone in asking these questions.

Many mothers carry them quietly, buried deep behind a polite smile or a brave face.

They look fine on the outside.

But inside, there's a wound that hasn't healed.

Because when your own child pulls away - or worse, shuts the door entirely - it feels like a piece of your soul is missing.

People don't talk about this kind of pain enough.

They talk about parenting toddlers, teenagers, even young adults.

But they don't often talk about the grief of parenting someone who no longer wants to be parented - who no longer wants you.

So you sit with the silence.

You smile when others talk about their family dinners or holiday visits.

You nod when they show off pictures from birthday parties you weren't invited to.

And all the while, your heart is quietly breaking.

I want you to know something.

This isn't your fault. Not entirely. Maybe not at all.

Parenting is not a perfect science.

It's messy and complicated and shaped by things outside your control.

Your child grew up with their own thoughts, their own experiences, their own interpretations of the world.

And sometimes, those interpretations don't match your memories.

Sometimes, their pain comes from a place you couldn't see.

Or from somewhere that has nothing to do with you at all.

That doesn't mean you didn't love them enough.

It doesn't mean you were a bad mother.

It means they're human.

And SO ARE YOU.

Maybe your relationshp became tangled somewhere along the way.

Too many words spoken in anger.

too many years of misunderstanding.

Or maybe, for reasons you'll never fully understand, they just chose to walk away.

And you were left behind with all your love and nowhere to put it.

It's okay to grieve that.

It's okay to feel the loss.

This isn't just disappointment - it's a heartbreak with no clear ending.

Because they're still out there.

Living their life.

And you are still here, wondering how someone you raised could forget how much you cared.

I know the world tells you to move on.

To accept it.

To keep your chin up.

But you don't have to pretend this doesn't hurt.

You don't have to hide the way you still check your phone, hoping today will be the day they text.

Or the way your eyes sting when you see a family that looks like what you always dreamed of.

You are allowed to feel everything you feel.

The sadness.

The confusion.

Even the anger. Especially the anger.

You gave so much of yourself. You offered your best, even when you were tired, even when you had nothing to left to give.

And somehow that wasn't enough fo them to stay close.

That's a kind of rejection no one prepares you for.

But please, don't let their silence rewrite the truth of who you are.

You are not unlovable.

You are not a failure.

You are not worthless.

You are a mother who loved deeply.

Who STILL does. And that love?

It doesn't disappear just because it wasn't returned.

Love isn't measured by the heart that gives it.

And your heart has always been full.

You might be asking yourself, "What do I do now?"

How far do you go on loving someone who's pulled so far away?

The answer is - gently.

You love yourself first.

You honor what you've been through.

You remind yourself that your life isn't over just because a relationship(s) is(are)broken.

There are still moments ahead for you.

Moments of laughter, joy, even peace.

Even if they don't come from your child.

You can still be loved. You can still find a connection.

It may come from friends, neighbors, nieces, or other mothers who know your pain.

It may come from people who see you, really see you, for all that you are.

And if that love shows up in a different shape than you expected, that's okay.

It's still real. It's still yours.

And maybe, one day, your child will find their way back.

Maybe they won't.

But either way, you don't have to keep your heart locked away.

You don't have to stop being the kind of person who loves deeply.

In fact, the world needs more people like you.

People who love even when it hurts.

People who keep showing up, even when no one claps for them.

People who still have hope, even when it flickers.

If today is hard, let it be hard.

If tears come, let them fall.

You've held it together for long enough.

And maybe, it's time to stop pretending you're fine when you're not.

You don't have to be strong every second.

You don't have to be the one who always understands.

You can be the one who is hurting.

The one who is healing.

The one who is still learning how to carry love that has nowhere to land.

There is something deeply beautiful about that kind of heart.

A heart that loves anyway.

That forgives without forgetting.

That hopes without demanding.

That grieves without giving up.

And that heart? That's yours.

Don't let anyone, not even your child, convince you it's not enough.

You ARE enough. Even in your pain. Even in your waiting.

Even in your wondering.

You are not invisible.

You are not forgotten.

And you are not alone.

There are so many women like you - quietly hurting, quietly loving, quietly hoping.

So if you ever feel like you're the only one carrying this kind of grief, remember this letter.

Remember that someone out there sees you. Someone understands the ache you don't always talk about.

And someone believes, without a doubt, that your love still matters.

YOU still matter.

Always.

(author unknown)

Healthy Boundaries in the Bible

Someone told a friend that her attitude about forgiving but not giving access to toxic people was not very forgiving or loving.

There is a lot of value to the Christian who searches the Bible about things like this. It might seem harsh to walk away from someone who is harmful to be around, whether that is physically, emotionally, or spiritually, but it is what the Bible teaches. The Bible is full of instances of setting healthy boundaries.

What is a toxic person? A toxic person is someone who consistently harms others physically, emotionally, spiritually, or mentally through manipulation, control, deceit, or disrespect. All of these traits are sinful (flesh).

It is very Biblical to not give access to people who are not behaving in healthy ways. There are more examples in the Bible we can find to give us guidance, but here are some.

Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared. Proverbs 22:24-25

As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him. Titus 3:10-11

People will be... abusive, slanderous, without self-control, brutal... having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people. 2 Timothy 3:2-5

…If they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector. Mathew 18:15-17 (AVOID them!!!)

Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.' I Corinthians 15:33

But actually, I wrote to you not to associate with any so-called brother if he is an immoral person, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or a swindler—not even to eat with such a one. I Corinthians 5:11 Immoral=sinful.

Now I urge you, brethren, keep your eye on those who cause dissensions and hindrances contrary to the teaching which you learned, and turn away from them. Romans 16:17

A look at the Greek for the terms used on dissensions and hindrances is very eye-opening. Dissensions (dichostasiai) refer to: divisions, factions, separations caused by contentiousness or disunity, can be caused through conflict, drama, or cliques within the church, breaking fellowship and unity. Galatians 5 lists dissensions as a work of the flesh. Hindrances (skandala) refer to: stumbling blocks, traps, or things that cause others to sin or fall in their faith, can be caused through false teachings, legalism, manipulative behavior, or anything that causes believers to stumble spiritually or morally. Skandala is translated to "offenses" in some versions. Again, all of these behaviors are sinful (flesh).

Then we can look at the example Jesus set. While Jesus loved everyone, He didn't give everyone access to Himself. He practiced healthy detachment and spoke truth with grace. He walked away from crowds that wanted to harm him, rebuked people and left them, and let others leave without Him chasing after them.

This is a big topic and one could find more verses and examples, and could do word studies to go deeper. The Bible is very clear: You should not stay connected with those who are consistently harmful to your physical, spiritual, and emotional health. You can still forgive, pray for, and love people from a distance. The Bible teaches that healthy boundaries are not selfish—they are wise and God-honoring. They reflect God’s order, Jesus' example, and protect our ability to love well without being controlled or harmed.

I have followed the instruction in the Bible on this and have seen toxic people go away and godly people fill those spaces. I have seen turmoil and mental anguish leave and peace fill my life. Once one very controlling and manipulative person left my life, my spiritual growth took off in big ways. Until I got away from them, I had no idea how much they were hindering my spiritual life. I learned a valuable lesson through that and made a promise to myself to part ways sooner with anyone who behaved like them to avoid harming my relationship with Christ.

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If I were dining at a table with someone who was putting poison in people's drinking glasses, I would not remain at that table. I'd leave and leave everything on the table behind, too. Most people would feel that was the correct thing to do and would even encourage it because of the danger to the physical body. 

A toxic person is someone who is spreading poison, and it can be physical, emotional, or spiritual. It can be all or a combination of those. It can take some time to realize what they are doing, but when you do, you must get away from them for your well-being.

Grandparents

Caleb and Elora made us grandparents!

Fitzroy Atlas was born in early June.

We have not shared until now, so they could have time to tell everyone themselves.

Fitzroy is healthy and beautiful! We thanked Caleb and Elora for making us grandparents.

Common Horsetail aka Equisetum arvense

 

I am working with common horsetail today. Equisetum arvense, aka "horsetail," is known for its high silica content, which supports bone health, strengthens connective tissue, and promotes the growth of hair, skin, and nails. While most allopathic (conventional) diuretics flush minerals, especially potassium, magnesium, and sodium, along with excess water, horsetail acts as a mild diuretic while replenishing minerals, particularly potassium and silica. 

It is frequently used for urinary tract infections, bladder irritation, and kidney stones. Its astringent and wound-healing properties also make it a good choice for healing wounds, controlling bleeding, and reducing inflammation when applied topically. It is sometimes used to help osteoporosis, arthritis, or brittle nails due to its ability to help the body utilize calcium more effectively. 

30+ years ago, one of my herbal medicine instructors taught me how she used horsetail to keep her long hair after 60! I learned that horsetail is an ingredient in some of the popular hair growth formulas. The high silica content helps fortify hair follicles and hair strands from breakage and splitting, contributes to collagen production for healthy skin and scalp, which leads to healthy hair growth, and is believed to increase blood flow to the scalp, which helps nourish hair follicles. It also has antioxidants that lower inflammation and oxidative stress, which can contribute to hair loss. 

Raw horsetail should not be taken continuously because it contains small amounts of an enzyme called thiaminase. Thiaminase breaks down vitamin B1 (thiamine), which hinders its absorption. Studies in grazing animals show that consuming green or dried horsetail at about 20 % of dietary intake can cause thiamine deficiency in 2–5 weeks. But hold on, heat and alcohol destroy thiaminase, so a tea, syrup, or properly made tincture will not have active thiaminase. It is still recommended you take a break for a week or two every 2-4 weeks. As always, do your own research and check for contraindications. -Wendy aka Mama Asbell

Garlic Mustard Alliaria petiolata

Garlic Mustard, Alliaria petiolata, is a wild edible you can forage. It should not be confused with look-alikes. It was frequently grown as a pot herb and can be eaten fresh in salads or added to dishes to add flavor. It has been used to treat scurvy (antiscorbutic). Some say it has higher vitamin C than oranges! It is helpful to asthmatics, can be used as an antiseptic, and can be used to treat wounds and bug bites. It can also induce sweating to help cleanse the body's pathways or combat a fever. It is also a vermifuge. You can boil the leaves and stems in water, allow the water to cool, and pour it over where there are earthworms. Because it irritates their skin, they will surface, making it easy for you to collect them and invite me to go fishing! :-D I foraged this plant on a mountain hike while camping in WV. The next morning, this plant went into our omelets along with some Canadian Wood Nettle.

Cleavers aka Galium aparine

Cleavers, Galium aparine, are known for their lymphatic, diuretic, and anti-inflammatory (cooling) properties. Research shows Galium aparine stimulates the transformation of lymphocytes, a type of white blood cell, indicating potential immune-enhancing and cancer-fighting properties.  Cleavers have been used in Western herbal medicine for centuries and are still highly valued. 

Some of the conditions it can be used for:  Swollen lymph nodes, tonsillitis, mastitis, lymphedema, eczema, psoriasis, acne, abscesses, minor wounds, general immune enhancement, possible support in cancer prevention, fatigue, toxin buildup, post-illness recovery, and has had some limited, less documented use for mild anxiety and irritability.