Someone told a friend that her attitude about forgiving but not giving access to toxic people was not very forgiving or loving.
There is a lot of value to the Christian who searches the Bible about things like this. It might seem harsh to walk away from someone who is harmful to be around, whether that is physically, emotionally, or spiritually, but it is what the Bible teaches. The Bible is full of instances of setting healthy boundaries.
What is a toxic person? A toxic person is someone who consistently harms others physically, emotionally, spiritually, or mentally through manipulation, control, deceit, or disrespect. All of these traits are sinful (flesh).It is very Biblical to not give access to people who are not behaving in healthy ways. There are more examples in the Bible we can find to give us guidance, but here are some.
Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared. Proverbs 22:24-25
As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him. Titus 3:10-11
People will be... abusive, slanderous, without self-control, brutal... having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people. 2 Timothy 3:2-5
…If they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector. Mathew 18:15-17 (AVOID them!!!)
Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.' I Corinthians 15:33
But actually, I wrote to you not to associate with any so-called brother if he is an immoral person, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or a swindler—not even to eat with such a one. I Corinthians 5:11 Immoral=sinful.
Now I urge you, brethren, keep your eye on those who cause dissensions and hindrances contrary to the teaching which you learned, and turn away from them. Romans 16:17
A look at the Greek for the terms used on dissensions and hindrances is very eye-opening. Dissensions (dichostasiai) refer to: divisions, factions, separations caused by contentiousness or disunity, can be caused through conflict, drama, or cliques within the church, breaking fellowship and unity. Galatians 5 lists dissensions as a work of the flesh. Hindrances (skandala) refer to: stumbling blocks, traps, or things that cause others to sin or fall in their faith, can be caused through false teachings, legalism, manipulative behavior, or anything that causes believers to stumble spiritually or morally. Skandala is translated to "offenses" in some versions. Again, all of these behaviors are sinful (flesh).
Then we can look at the example Jesus set. While Jesus loved everyone, He didn't give everyone access to Himself. He practiced healthy detachment and spoke truth with grace. He walked away from crowds that wanted to harm him, rebuked people and left them, and let others leave without Him chasing after them.
This is a big topic and one could find more verses and examples, and could do word studies to go deeper. The Bible is very clear: You should not stay connected with those who are consistently harmful to your physical, spiritual, and emotional health. You can still forgive, pray for, and love people from a distance. The Bible teaches that healthy boundaries are not selfish—they are wise and God-honoring. They reflect God’s order, Jesus' example, and protect our ability to love well without being controlled or harmed.
I have followed the instruction in the Bible on this and have seen toxic people go away and godly people fill those spaces. I have seen turmoil and mental anguish leave and peace fill my life. Once one very controlling and manipulative person left my life, my spiritual growth took off in big ways. Until I got away from them, I had no idea how much they were hindering my spiritual life. I learned a valuable lesson through that and made a promise to myself to part ways sooner with anyone who behaved like them to avoid harming my relationship with Christ.
