I took these notes as I did a Bible study on unforgiveness as I struggled with something that was deliberately and callously done against my husband and family. It has since been used in personal study, church Bible studies and Sunday school classes around the world especially in countries that see a lot of persecution.
At the end of the day, honoring God leads to good things. Anything else leads to confusion, emotional exhaustion and a lack of good things.
-Lisa TerKeurst
Unforgiveness is the willful choice to refuse to give up negative feelings and the right to get even demanding that someone has to pay for the offense you feel was committed against you or someone else. It is a very serious sin and has some very serious consequences.
Matthew 6:14-15 For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
At first glance, these verses look like you can lose your salvation if you are hold grudges in your heart. An overview of Scripture would prove nothing can separate us from God's love. When we dig deeper, we learn these verses are regarding our fellowship with God. When we hold onto those bad feelings about someone else, we suffer in our relationship -that closeness- with God. Psalm 66:18 If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened;
"Well, I forgive them, but they will know I am not happy about it." Stop lying to yourself! You are still seeking a form of retribution so it's unforgiveness. You might be trying to punish them with your silence or absence knowing full well that is not what God wants. There are all kinds of lies we tell ourselves to let the harsh feelings stay. We need to be honest with ourselves about what is in our hearts. Lamentations 3:40 Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the Lord.
"It takes me time to forgive. It will take me awhile to get over it. I'll avoid them until then." What this speaker is saying is that they are slow to obey, are not in touch with their own failings and God's redemptive work in their lives, and they will punish them with silence and absence. This is not our example. God doesn't treat us like that. I am thankful for the people who have exampled Him in my life by forgiving me quickly and eagerly.
"It takes me time to forgive. It will take me awhile to get over it. I'll avoid them until then." What this speaker is saying is that they are slow to obey, are not in touch with their own failings and God's redemptive work in their lives, and they will punish them with silence and absence. This is not our example. God doesn't treat us like that. I am thankful for the people who have exampled Him in my life by forgiving me quickly and eagerly.
The other person is probably not affected very much by our unforgiveness. I know that disappoints you, but it's true. They don't get up each morning and wail "Oh no, so and so won't forgive me! They are still mad at me, and I just can't go on!" You are the one who will be wallowing in the filth of your rebellion to God's way of doing things! We can blame others for our misery, but doing that reaps us more frustration and hostility.
If they are a godly person who stumbled, they are going to probably forgive you and move on with it. You are the one who will be suffering loss while they are trying to learn and gain all of the spiritual growth out of the situation. You look like a weak Christian, but they are growing stronger in the Lord. Their testimony increases while yours decreases.
If what is going on in your heart is not right, you can attend church, sing in the choir, be a deacon or Sunday School teacher, help the needy, serve on committees, run a ministry, go on mission trips, etc...and you will still lack in faith and fellowship with the Almighty. He cares more about what is IN YOUR HEART. Unforgiveness is the opposite of godly love. It is not Christ-like. In fact, unforgiveness goes against the very thing Jesus exampled: forgiveness. When we see it, we need to rid ourselves of it immediately.
Here are a few ways unforgiveness negatively affects us:
· Bitterness in our attitudes, actions, and words affects those around us which in turn affects us. (Luke 6:45, Ephesians 4:29)
· Blocks our spiritual growth (James 1:22)
· Hinders us in our witness (I Timothy 4:16)
· Affects the acceptance of our offering (Matthew 5:24)
· Hinders us in our prayer life (Isaiah 59:2, Psalm 66:18)
· Hinders us in our worship (How can we demonstrate our love of God if we are not obeying Him? John 14:15)
· Affects us physically (Proverbs 3:7-8)
· Affects the counsel we give. We can't give godly counsel if our hearts are harboring ungodly feelings. (Proverbs 28:26, Proverbs 14:12)
· We lose part of our harvest. (James 3:17)
Hebrews 12:14-15 says
that we are to make every effort to live in peace and not miss extending grace
because bitterness reaps us trouble and affects many people. This command requires our action and our communication with the other person. We are to forgive and extend peace. Just because we do our part does not mean they will do theirs. They may not know Christ as well as you do, so it's a good thing you exampled Him with your forgiveness. They may have other issues going on in their life. Their reaction doesn't matter! Forgiveness isn't about them; it's all about you and your relationship with Christ! That's why it is such a big deal in a Christian life.
It is God-honoring when relationships are reconciled, and that doesn't just refer to marriages. If you have reached out in a sincere effort to reconcile, but the other party has neglected to reciprocate, God will still bless you for desiring to honor Him. God will deal with them, and their spiritual lives will be hampered because of their hard heart. When people misconstrue your sincere kindness, it says nothing about you, but everything about the condition of their hearts. Don't let that become a pride issue. Pray hard for them.
Being their prayer warrior is one way you can shower them with God's love from afar! Plead before the Throne of Grace to bless the people that hurt you. Rejoice when God does! You might also find these helpful: A Simple and Effective Way to Pray for Difficult People and Some of the Ways Our Family Prays for Our Enemies
Forgiveness is not easy. It challenges us to another level in our relationship with the Father. Will we surrender our flesh and make an effort with people who have hurt us in obedience to the God we claim to love and follow... or will we rebel (disobedience is rebellion which is sin) against Him so we can hold onto that unforgiveness? Dear Christian reader, I hope you choose forgiveness.
