Notes from the Study on Respect and Honor

While we have another site for the group, I will continue to share these studies here for the benefit of those who come here.

Some of the most popular posts on this blog are the ones that deal with difficult relationships. Some of these posts have been printed out and made part of studies in Sunday School classes. Families have studied them. It is so rewarding when someone writes us and shares that they found healing in a relationship after surrendering to the Lord! It is very rewarding when relationships have been restored in our own lives!!

“Show proper respect to everyone: Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honor the king.” 

I Peter 2:17

Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity!
Psalm 133:1

honor: respect, high regard, recognition of worth shown; it is something given, not taken

respect: reverence under God; proper appreciation for the person/relationship God created
duty: what is due
due: owed, fitting proper, suitable to that particular person and their relationship to you
due honor: obligatory high regard for the person and their relationship to you

Respect in I Peter 2:17 comes from the Greek word timēsate which means to 'to act to show great value' to something. This is a challenging concept for our time and culture in regards to our relationships with them. We are told to look out for ourselves and to compete with others in every other. We also have differences of opinions that make us feel our point of view is superior to theirs, so we do not show respect our political leaders. We concentrate on someone's flaws or how they hurt us instead of focusing on their strong points, God given talents, and the position they have in our lives. We can't have those attitudes and obey these verses. They are incompatible.

Back to competition. If we were to obey these verses instead of setting the example of outdoing each other in so many areas, maybe our youth and young adults would not be struggling so hard with inadequacy. Our culture doesn't want to "keep up with the Jones'," they want to outdo them. 

One thing we keep hearing as we minister to young people is that they feel they don't measure up, aren't good enough, are failures, will stumble and fall again, will continue to face rejection no matter how much they work on themselves, etc. If God's people "showed great value" to each other, instead of competing with each other, maybe these young hurting young people would have a better grasp on their value to God and their value to their brothers and sisters in Christ. Maybe they would not be so preoccupied with their worth, but instead, be focused on the building the worth of others. 

Philippians 2:3 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 

"Respect seems to be a hard thing for us to grasp in our present society. ... A sense of place is important for a Christian. We cannot give honor duly-where it is due-without a sense of place. Who is this person, who am I in relation to him? We are people under authority at all times, owing honor and respect to a king or a president, to parents, to master, teacher, husband, or boss, to ministers and elders and bishops, and of course always, and most importantly, to Christ." Elisabeth Elliot

In the list of Sacrifices that Please God in Hebrews 13 is "Keep on loving each other as brothers." That's a direct command not a suggestion, and it is first on the list. 

We should respect and honor the person and the relationship they hold in our lives. This starts with God and includes spouses, family, friends, acquaintances, strangers, authorities over us like pastors, teachers, law enforcement, law makers, and our president. It is an action: Show "respect to everyone." It does not say "if you feel they are worthy" or "if you feel like it."  

Illustration: I do not always get things right, and often fail miserably, but in this instance I did manage to stand out: I was very polite and considerate towards a very difficult person my husband worked under. I was not happy with him for the harm he caused my husband and certainly did not "feel like it." The man was having sex with non English speaking temp workers in his office. There were many other things to dislike about this person. I was the only person at the event who treated the man with politeness. After the event was over, I was pointedly asked by several of Clint's co-workers and a spouse of a co-worker why I was "so nice to him." They were not happy with me. I was able to share that it is God's way for His people to behave. I stood out because I acted in obedience out of my fear of and love for the Lord and was able to share my faith when others noticed. Planting seeds to draw others to Jesus is a big reward to those who love the Lord. I know this may be different than you see people in your church behaving, but it is what we are called to do. Don't look at other fallible Christians for how to live. Look to God's Word. 

"A small spirited person man will not be willing to see another receive credit or honor or position. All of us, I suppose, have sometimes grumbled inwardly seeing someone receive a place he did not deserve. "It is not fair. He is not qualified, whose idea was it to appoint him? How did he get on the board? How come I didn't?' The last question is the one that touches the deepest root of our unwillingness to honor another: our own pride." Elisabeth Elliot

"A second reason for the confusion in the matter of respect...is the current notion that everyone deserved tit-for-tat equality. This is one of the excesses of democracy, which ought not to be confused with Christianity. The truth is that not everybody has a right to everything." Elisabeth Elliot

"No doubt, God must sometimes allow the wrong person to receive credit in order for us "right" ones to discover how full of pride we are." Elisabeth Elliot

Feeling entitled does not guarantee your right to something. Your sense of entitlement does not change the way things are, the relationship, or the other person's right to what they are due. It takes humility to accept you are not entitled to something someone else has rights over.

Those who struggle with jealousy, selfishness, coveting, will not be happy for those who are respected or rewarded for their position/relationship. They will find many ways to grumble and complain out of their own discontent with their blessings.

"Christianity teaches righteousness, not rights. It emphasizes honor, not equality. A Christian's concern is what is owed to the other, not what is owed to himself." Elisabeth Elliot

What if you are not in a relationship with the person to show them respect and "keep on loving?" Disagreements and estrangements happen. If you have made good efforts to correct the relationship, you have done your part even if you were rebuffed. If rebuffed, don't take it personally. That's on them. Your behavior is on you. See it as God showing you what is going on in their heart and a way you can pray for them. Wait on God to work on their hearts while you work on yours, keep praying, keep studying God's Word, and be patient. If you do not feel God calling you to make a move, leave the door open, and then be still. Let God do His thing in their hearts. Not all relationships will be healed on this side of eternity. People hold grudges for a lifetime not realizing the price they are paying for them. It could be God is hardening their hearts to protect you from more of their harmful behaviors. Trust Him.

Our family can give testimony that God heals estrangements when both parties are committed to honoring the Lord in those relationships by working on their hearts and praying for and reaching out to the other party. It takes both parties having a dedicated mindset of pleasing God first, even over their own comfort, and counting "others more significant than yourself." I don't know about you, but to experience that kind of healing is a life experience, a faith experience worth all of the pride swallowing/pride choking that had to be done. I am truly thankful my children got to witness it! It has been so faith building! God gets the glory for making these big changes on both sides!