Tuesday, May 07, 2013

The Whirlwind

Yesterday, it was like we were happily walking along, and then a crazy whirlwind picked us up carried us away!! 

At 9 a.m., the CNA could not find a heartbeat with the handheld. Then, I had an ultrasound with a sonographer. Then they gave me a second ultrasound with the sonographer and CNA both present.

Before the appointment to have a third ultrasound at the local hospital, we had time to go home. Clint took me home so I could tell our children. That was the very hardest thing I have had to do in all of this. It broke me. I cried hard in the arms of my oldest daughter, Amanda, while she cried in mine.

Then we went to the local hospital for a third ultrasound. When I indicated I wanted to see, the hospital's sonographer turned the screen towards me. I looked closely and then told her, "My baby is dead." She said "Yes." Then she showed me the chest cavity and absence of cardiac flutter.

She sent me to a doctor to come up with a game plan. That doctor sent me to the L&D of another hospital where I had a fourth ultrasound by yet another doctor. 

After that, I had many unpleasant things done to my body which have left me bruised, swollen, and tender. 

Nothing on me hurts as much as my heart though.