Sharing about my miscarriages and stillbirths has opened the door to a ministry to so many people. Churches and outreach groups in the US and other countries have published some of my testimony of God's goodness through those very challenging and pain filled days. Other people God helped through my story were friends who were suffering in silence for so long because their church and family did not know how to minister to them. Others are women I have met online. Many of them, I have become good friends with over the years.
Some of those women had been told their miscarried and stillborn children "did not count" as children so they needed to "get over it." I experienced something similar when an in law told me I was being "selfish for crying" as I told the story the day after I lost a baby. She had worked to prevent abortions but had no compassion for a family member having a natural loss! Another family member never expressed sorrow or offered condolences as they complained that my child loss messed up something for them.
This lack of compassion extends to many issues in our church: serious injuries, diseases, terminal illness, special needs children, mental disorders, marriage problems, homosexuality, wayward children, and on and on. Compassion is born through understanding. Who understands better than someone who has been there? Your story and the understanding you have for it can be a gift to the hurting. Helping others can help you make strides in healing.
The women I personally knew only confided in me after I shared publicly which made them feel I was safe person to trust. They saw my hurt and knew I'd understand theirs. A few of those went on to share publicly about their losses. One had suffered in silence for 20 years because of things her family said to her. She cried as she told me she finally felt it was OK to do something to acknowledge and remember her baby. She finally felt it was acceptable for her to name her baby and found peace about her loss. Your unique story can help give a voice and help bring healing to someone else.
Stillbirth. Miscarriage. Those titles don't convey the real life horrors that are hard on the mind and heart. A lesson about body decomposition is not easy to hear right after you have given birth, but it is necessary if you want to hold your baby. That's the easier of the things I know personally. There's much more. Your insider knowledge, those details that are challenging to overcome mentally, can help others struggling with the same or similar.
Nine of the deepest hurts I've ever had gave me a ministry for the Lord and helped grow me spiritually. Nine precious lives opened a wide door that allowed God to work through my life and help point hurting people to Him.
The story you share will continue to reap a harvest. There is a man talking to my husband right now about his relationship with God because of how he saw God working on our lives during that difficult time. I do not know what he saw or heard that planted those seeds. All I had to do was share the story. God is doing the rest.
"Sharing where it hurt" helped others around me, and it helped me too. Because I have seen a little of what God is doing through this door He allowed to be opened in my life, I am confident that what I went through has a purpose and is part of God's plan. The story of my babies is not over yet. There were many tears and deep anguish, but the time for rejoicing is coming! Each of us can choose to take whatever story He has given us and use it for His glory.
John 4:35 When you plant, you always say, ‘Four more months to wait before we gather the grain.’ But I tell you, open your eyes, and look at the fields. They are ready for harvesting now.
