I was told this was very helpful and encouraging. I removed everything that could be used to identify the situation for my friend's comfort and privacy. I share here in case someone else needs the encouragement that holding to boundaries is important and healthy for all involved. What encourages me is that this friend is old enough to be my parent and comforted and taught me when I was a child through my teen years. Now, I am able to comfort and pray for them. Christian relationships are so very beautiful and precious. I thank the Lord for these people and their influence on my life. If you feel led, please pray for this man and his parents.
"I am praying with you for XXXXXX. You should not feel horrible for having boundaries and limits to protect your physical and mental health. When you stand your ground, not only are you protecting your own health, but you are protecting the health of your spouse. XXXXXXX's expectations of you (his parents) are too high and unhealthy. His expectations of himself are too low which is also unhealthy.
I think one of the hardest parts of being a Christian parent is the be still and know that God is in control part. We do so much to raise our children that when it is time to sit back and let God work in their lives that it seems unnatural or wrong. Our hands do so much for our children that when it is time to place them in God's hands, we struggle so hard. I have that tendency to jump in and "fix" things which really messes things up. I have become better about waiting on the Lord but still have a long way to go. You do not need to feel horrible for placing Him in the Lord's hands.
God is more than capable of helping XXXXXXX. God truly knows XXXXXXX's heart and knows if he is sincere about changing or not. God will parent XXXXXXX based on the truth of XXXXXXX's heart condition. That is one way God is the better parent for our adult children. I know you know these things, but it is so good to have them reinforced when we are struggling.
You are doing the right thing. Boundaries are healthy and necessary. If you do not stick to what you say, the boundaries become very shaky and ill-defined which leads to more issues down the road. Parents having boundaries helps adult children to mature. You and XXXXXX gave him a Christian upbringing. He knows to turn to the Lord for his help.
I am praying God takes any evil influences, people, places, or things out of XXXXXX's life and replaces them with 10x the godly influences, people, places, and things. I am praying XXXXXX hears the Lord's call on his life and desires God more than anything and anyone else. I am praying he quickly develops a strong and insatiable hunger for God's Word that lasts the rest of his life. These are the same things I pray over my children. I have a reminder in my phone to pray for XXXXXXX every day at 10:45 a.m.
I love you both. You are my friends, mentors, and my brother and sister in Christ. I am thankful for your testimony in my life. -Wendy"
