If you find the mention of suicide a problem, please don't read any further.
Earlier this year, I made a decision to share this story before I parted with the desk. This is why I stated earlier, "If you can't get on board with what is shared here, then maybe you can get on board with WHY."
Earlier this year, I made a decision to share this story before I parted with the desk. This is why I stated earlier, "If you can't get on board with what is shared here, then maybe you can get on board with WHY."
This very large cherry plantation desk was a gift from a lady who had gone through multiple personal trials in a very short time period. She and her husband had a falling out with their son and his wife over a simple misunderstanding. The son's family lived right behind her home on land she gave him before the falling out. She would see him daily, but he would not respond politely to words or waves. Her grandchild would ride her bike up and down the driveway beside her home, but the lady could not wave or speak to her because it would get the child in trouble.
Her husband was disabled and had a disease. Then, he was diagnosed with terminal cancer. He became severely depressed and shot himself in his home library at this very desk. His wife was the one who discovered the horrific scene. Once he died, she realized she did not have enough money to survive, so she divided her house into two sections. A widowed friend rented the other half of the home from her. So much heartbreak! So many big changes!
Her husband was disabled and had a disease. Then, he was diagnosed with terminal cancer. He became severely depressed and shot himself in his home library at this very desk. His wife was the one who discovered the horrific scene. Once he died, she realized she did not have enough money to survive, so she divided her house into two sections. A widowed friend rented the other half of the home from her. So much heartbreak! So many big changes!
The desk was fairly new and worth quite a bit when she offered it to us with a shaky voice and a hesitant smile. Rather than sell it to get much needed money, she wanted to take the item that symbolized her worst experience and turn into something good. She asked me to take it and put it to good use for my family. She knew we homeschooled, liked we had a large family, and knew we would appreciate it. She also trusted me to do as she asked. "Let some good come from this ugly situation."
If I have been looking at the horrible story, I would not have accepted the desk as a gift. I saw her heart though. She was trying so very hard to recover, move forward, and find some kind of good in her terrible situation. I had two choices, reject it which I knew would have been a hurtful rejection to her. Or, I could accept it, clean it, put it to use, and find a way to glorify God through it.
I accepted it which gave her much joy. The desk had been cleaned by a company that does that sort of thing, but I still found bits of remains when I cleaned it again. I had a moment where I wondered if I was doing the right thing. I decided that rather than cringe at the history of the desk or what I had found when I cleaned it, I would use it as a reminder to pray for that lady's provision, protection, and for her family to be reconciled.
I accepted it which gave her much joy. The desk had been cleaned by a company that does that sort of thing, but I still found bits of remains when I cleaned it again. I had a moment where I wondered if I was doing the right thing. I decided that rather than cringe at the history of the desk or what I had found when I cleaned it, I would use it as a reminder to pray for that lady's provision, protection, and for her family to be reconciled.
We never told anyone about the desk because we knew they'd be freaked out about it. Some of our friends can't even handle that we produce our own food on our farm, so we knew they'd be squeamish over a desk where a man took his life. This post you are reading is the first time this story has been shared with anyone outside of our immediate family.
It's been about 20 years since we received the desk. Many times I bowed my head and prayed at that desk for the lady and her family, for my family, for friends, and things that would come up during the day. I cried for babies I lost while sitting there begging the Lord for the strength and even the desire to keep going for my family. The desk that witnessed a life suddenly end also witnessed babies born, a family grow, and a young woman mature in her faith and roles as a wife, mother, and homeschooling teacher.
The top has become worn from many hours of teaching, grading, arts and crafts, science projects, history reports, and so much more. I've used it as a surface for my sewing machine when making Christmas gifts, birthday presents, and curtains and while mending clothing and bed linens.
My children stood on it while reciting lessons that I had prepared in the same spot. They also sat on it while reading from their books or while visiting me with their happy chatter while I worked. I wrote so many grocery, Christmas, and to do lists on that desk! I stored, signed, and stamped so many greeting cards! Just now thinking about it, I even wrote a good portion of this blog while sitting at that desk!
Clint has laid his tools on it while we were working on our home. Aquariums and bird cages have found places there. It was flooded during Hurricane Isabel which caused a bottom drawer to stick now and then. I moved it to our farm office where we conducted many sales and signed many contracts on it.
I did as the lady asked. For nearly 20 years, I gave the desk a new life and a new purpose while I consistently prayed He would do the same in the lady's life.
The top has become worn from many hours of teaching, grading, arts and crafts, science projects, history reports, and so much more. I've used it as a surface for my sewing machine when making Christmas gifts, birthday presents, and curtains and while mending clothing and bed linens.
My children stood on it while reciting lessons that I had prepared in the same spot. They also sat on it while reading from their books or while visiting me with their happy chatter while I worked. I wrote so many grocery, Christmas, and to do lists on that desk! I stored, signed, and stamped so many greeting cards! Just now thinking about it, I even wrote a good portion of this blog while sitting at that desk!
Clint has laid his tools on it while we were working on our home. Aquariums and bird cages have found places there. It was flooded during Hurricane Isabel which caused a bottom drawer to stick now and then. I moved it to our farm office where we conducted many sales and signed many contracts on it.
I did as the lady asked. For nearly 20 years, I gave the desk a new life and a new purpose while I consistently prayed He would do the same in the lady's life.
It is time for me to part with the desk. I have no use for it and no room for it. I toyed around with refinishing it and selling it, but I decided not to do that. I gave it to my son Caleb. He loves working with different kinds of wood. He is going to take it apart and make many beautiful things from it. He's already made pens and trinket boxes from it. He has given some away as gifts. Per the lady's wishes, the desk that had tragedy happen at it will continue to be repurposed in good ways in people's lives. May God have the glory!
Dear Reader, God can take any situation, no matter how messed up it is, and turn it into something beautiful if only we allow Him to do that. It takes a strong mind and effort on our parts, but He will work through us and give us a new life. No matter how big the pain or the label the sin carries or how dark your story or how broken a situation is or how big the mess or whatever...GOD RESTORES AND GIVES NEW LIFE!!
You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. Ephesians 4:22-24
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.
Isaiah 43:18-19
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.
Isaiah 43:18-19
