Why are you afraid to stand out?

Modern Christians hope to save the world by being like it, but it will never work. The church's power over the world springs out of her unlikeness to it, never from her integration into it.  -A. W. Tozer

I challenge you to examine every area of your life and see how well it lines up with God's Word. Does it look more like God's way or the world's way? Are you choosing a way because it is what everyone else is doing? Are you afraid to stand out? Do you look differently? Sound differently? Live differently? Truly believing God's Word makes us stand out more and more from this world. 

The more we stand out for God, the more powerful our witness for Him will be. The more we look like Jesus, the more the world will hate us and the more our enemy will come after us. I'd rather really live by dying for Jesus than die and not having really lived for Him.

May God give us the courage to be obedient to His truths in this tragic, critical, and dangerous hour in which we live. -A. W. Tozer

Your life is happening right now. Make it count.

More Good News

So much has changed in our family this year, but it's all been very good! I'm trying to do quick updates to the blog so I get it done and don't forget the details. I am staying so busy and often not at home. This blog serves to not only update our friends, but it is saved to a hard drive for our family history.

One of Caleb's bosses discussed another offer with him yesterday. I can't share about it yet, but if he gets it, it will be $20 an hour, look great on a resume, comes with potential for a promotion in an existing job, and more. He's handling the two jobs and college just fine right now. I'm missing him, but he's hustling and getting his future going. Not too bad for a young man who just turned 17!

Joshua was approached at three weeks into his current job about a manager position. He stood out that much that early! Yay, Joshua!!! He starts training for that position in November if all goes well. Caleb was approached at four weeks into one of his jobs about a position in management. Yay, Caleb!!! These boys are excelling! Caleb said he was interested. We are waiting on more details and seeing what will happen with the other offer he's received. 

I refer people who text and email to the blog because it gives them the details I might forget and saves me a lot of time. I haven't had much time for the computer or phone due to the changes here (less help with the farm and household), resuming homeschool, a very large project we are working on in another city, trying to learn a new skill, and my seeking an education on three different subjects. 

I've been reminded a lot lately of Proverbs 16:9. It's certainly proven true in our lives. We thought we were headed one way, but God dropped a lifelong dream of mine (well, since I was a teen and saw my parents do it) and a decades old dream of ours as a married couple into our laps. Suddenly, our direction has been changed without effort or extensive planning. There's effort now, but the way it happened was literally effortless. God is good! 

Team Asbell is heading to Amanda's this evening to do a small roof repair on her laundry room. There will be smack talking, laughing, and having fun! Then Clint and I hope to have a quiet and relaxing evening at home alone. 

Gate

Joshua was upset that he damaged our gate. We had to install it years ago to keep the curious from driving down our lane. We'd find people in our driveway or front yard at all hours of the day and night. 

I told him not to worry about the gate because his safety was what was important to his dad and I. I also told him God had already provided for this moment. 

Amanda had found one on Craigslist that was brand new a few weeks earlier. It was free and nicer than the one we have. We just need time for Clint to install it.

A Very Dangerous Situation

Caleb treated Bethany out to a meal and shopping last night. His gas pedal got stuck, and his truck accelerated to over 70 mph in heavy traffic! Twice! The first time, he thought his mat had caught in it. He removed the mat and tried to get home. Then it happened again! He remembered his very thorough homeschooled driving lessons and got him and Bethany off the road safely both times. AAA (Asbell, Asbell, Asbell) got his truck home, and we are so thankful they are safe! Bethany said next time he can get the meal, but the excitement is not necessary. 

Yesterday afternoon, a person pulled out of their driveway into oncoming traffic with their phone in their face. The careless young person nearly caused Brandon to wreck. They never stopped. Brandon doesn't even know if they noticed they were almost hit. He swerved into the other lane to keep from missing them. It was such a very close call, Brandon stopped to see if they had exchanged paint. Brandon is reporting it to deputies at my request hoping to prevent an accident for someone else.

About a month ago, Joshua's truck slipped into gear and rolled forward as he was walking around it. He was exiting the car to unlock our driveway gate. The truck rolled forward and bent our gate badly. He could have been injured or worse if caught between the truck and the gate. It had not happened before and has not happened since. 

Seven months ago, God kept four of our family safe when life threatening danger came to our home in the middle of the night. 

Dear Reader, danger is always lurking around ALL of us. Physical, spiritual, and emotional. None of us know when we will be called home. God could call me or someone in my family home at any moment, but we know our eternity is secure in Jesus. I encourage you to make sure you know where you will spend eternity. 

Breast Cancer Food for Thought

Shared with me by a friend in health care:

Surgeons Admit That Mammography Is Outdated And Harmful To Women

A study completed in Switzerland originating out of Canada (the 2014 Canadian National Breast Screening Study) concluded that mammography screenings do not reduce mortality rates at any better rate than your average physical breast examination (1). This means that women are paying much more to get a fancy mammography when they could simply feel for lumps and bumps and get the same–if not better results.

Consequently, the procedure is utterly unnecessary and actually harmful. As Dr. Sarah Mybill said, “I believe that if you did have a tumor, the last thing you would want to do is crush that tumor between two plates because that would spread it” (1).

The list of research goes on and on. There have been countless studies done expressing the severe uselessness of mammography (4). The math calculates it this way: “If we assume that screening reduces breast cancer mortality by 15% and that overdiagnosis and overtreatment is at 30%, it means that for every 2000 women invited for a screening throughout 10 years, one will avoid dying of breast cancer and 10 perfectly healthy, cancer-free women who would not have been diagnosed if there had not been screening, will be treated unnecessarily” (1).

My friend recommends instead of mammogram: 

Breast Thermography

I bought one...

This looks like it will make trimming our pets' nails so much easier! I'll let you know how I like it. 

Illuminated Pet Nail Clipper 

Caleb's Good News, Amanda's Praise

Caleb received very good news in his job yesterday. Like Joshua's work news, I can't reveal it yet, but something very good is in the works!

Amanda was praised for how well she performed physically during her fitness test for her new job. The person giving her the evaluation told her she was out performing most men! We grow them strong and healthy on the farm!  Proverbs 31:17 She girds her loins with strength and makes her arms strong.

A friend with Lyme received the special dietary gift we sent her and told us it was exactly what she needed and even better..it tastes very good! 

We also had a very good farm sale yesterday! One of the best things about working in sales at home is meeting the people and hearing their stories. It's very rewarding! It's always interesting to see who God puts in our path.

Amanda's Talk with God..and what happened next

I have her permission to share this.

Amanda's driving time is when she does a lot of talking with the Lord. She was praying as she drove to have new tires put on her truck.

She told God, "I have a great family. You gave me a nice car. You gave me a house. You just gave me a promotion and a great raise. I am thankful for all of these things. It would be nice to have someone to share this wonderful life with, but I am not going to go looking for it. I will wait on you to bring it to me."

She paid for her tires and looked around the store for a while. Then she went outside and sat on a bench while waiting for her tires to get finished.

A young man sat down beside her, started talking to her, asked for her phone number, and said he'd like to take her out. She told him she was not into the world's type of dating but was open to having a friend and would see where things went from there. He agreed and stated he was a Christian also. They shared part of their stories while she waited. He told her he's always wanted to be a part of a large family.

He took her to church, and they've been texting daily. Clint met him very briefly and said he seems like a nice young man.

Amanda said she doesn't know if he is the one, but she KNOWS from this young man walking into her life when he did that God heard her prayer and has affirmed that waiting on Him is the right direction to pursue.

It reminded me of when a few decades ago, a hurting teen prayed for someone to love her..and God sent Clint the next day.

Compression Borrowing

When you can't find your engine compression tester, 

you borrow your daughter's!
I love it!!

The banter between them was priceless!

The joke was that if he lost it or forgot to return it, 
he had to pay $700 for it.
That's one month's mortgage for her house!

12 Hour Night Shift Witness

(ignore the 11372 it was something for work)

When Amanda is tired and the night is running long, she writes a verse reference on her arm. Sometimes it is a verse she wants to memorize. Other times, it is a verse she knows that she wants to keep in mind. The extra bonus  is that over and over co-workers from all walks of life have seen the writing on her arm and ask her about the verse. This opens a door for her to share her faith.

When I was a young mother, I put a little sign up in my home with 3 John 1:4 as a goal in my mothering. It reminded me teach my children God's truth in every aspect of our lives. God has brought that to fruition. I know God will bring His promises to fruition in Amanda's life too.

3 John 1:4

I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth. 

Do the right thing

Joshua was a customer in a hardware store making a large purchase for us this week. He had to deal with a very rude and grumpy man. Joshua tired quickly of the attitude, but he maintained his standard of behavior through the transaction. I am proud of him!

People are rude.
People are mean.
People are hard hearted.
People will take their problems out on you.

Be kind.
Be an encourager.
Be polite.

For we are each responsible for our own conduct.

–Galatians 6:5

It's simple to say. However, when you are in the moment with a very rude person, it's not second nature to remain polite. This flesh battles so hard with our spirit. 

Don't worry about how it is received. 

Do it for God's glory because of all He's done for you.

Some will question your motives because of the condition of their own heart or because they are not use to kindness. Some will keep being mean, and some will get even nastier. 

Their reaction speaks about them just like you choosing to do the right thing speaks about you. You can learn a lot about a person's spiritual walk by how they respond to your kindness.

Most people will appreciate your kindness. A few of the mean people will mature and look back and realize they were wrong. 

Your Father will see how YOU behave, and that is all that truly matters.

“But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you." 
Luke 6:17-28

This is not the first time this man has been unprofessional with our son, so Clint is going to call the man's boss and let him know how his customers are being treated when he is not present. This kind of behavior could drive customers away and possibly end in a lawsuit, so Clint's going to give the business owner a heads up.

Update: The owner had no idea this was happening, apologized it happened, and thanked Clint repeatedly for telling him. 

Want to be powerful in prayer?

Want to be powerful in prayer?

Get to know Him through His Word. Obey Him in all areas of your life trusting that His way is better than your own. Pray and ask Him to help you know and understand Him better and to learn to love His way. He will help you if you genuinely seek Him.

"Those who know God the best are the richest and most powerful in prayer. Little acquaintance to God, and strangeness and coldness to Him, make prayer a rare and feeble thing." -E. M. Bounds

Super Long Arby's Fry

Amanda and I were impressed!

Squirrel Blessing

T called me and told me his aid had to turn around due to his road flooding due to the remnants of a tropical storm. When his aid can't get there for whatever reason, he can't be cleaned and can't get moved out of his bed for the day. His urinal bottle fills, and he doesn't have a way to empty it so he can continue to relieve himself. He also does not get his meals or medicine. If he is helped into his motorized wheelchair, he can do most things for himself.

While T is a neighbor, he is not right next door. Clint tried to get to him, but we couldn't get down his road with our suburban either. Joshua offered to walk over a mile in a very heavy downpour and winds and having to cross through woods and a muddy field. He dumped his urinal, cleaned up around his bed, cooked him some food, left him some snacks, and made sure he had something to drink. Then Joshua headed back into the storm for home. 

The age of young squirrels can be cloesly estimated by how long the white hairs on their tail are.

Once Joshua hit the corner of our place, he saw this baby squirrel wet, cold, and on the ground. Joshua approached it, and it didn't scurry away. Joshua brought it inside and dried it off. Then he warmed it up with a heating pad. While it was warming up, Joshua trekked back to the spot to see if he could get the baby back to its mother. 

He walked into the clearing just in time to see the mother running with another baby in her mouth. He went back to the house, got the little squirrel he found, and protected it in his hoodie as he made his way back to the corner.

He put the little guy in a box he left on its side against a tree to act as a shelter from the rain. Joshua knew the mother had to be watching him. As he got ready to leave, he heard another baby, found it, and put it in the box too. The weary little mother had them both to safety within an hour.

Joshua enjoyed this encounter with the little squirrel! He said he felt like God blessed him with a unique encounter for helping our neighbor.

Making Memories 3

They waited for Brandon to get home and ambushed him. 

I yelled a quick warning for him to put his phone in his truck.

The little one likes to go after the big one.
He just scooped her up and ran with her.

Clint's days can be demanding, so I try to always give him a heads up so he can be ready mentally. I also play on his team because I don't want to have to sleep with one eye open! :-)

Hannah was soaked, but she was begging for more.
She might be little, but she gives it all she has!

Bethany Has Talent

This is a quick drawing Bethany made.

Making Memories 2

 

The three sisters met Joshua outside and hit him hard when he got home from work. He wrestled the guns from them and fought back like a true Asbell! They are watching the clock for when Caleb, Brandon, and Clint get home. Then, they are going to mop our very durable hardwood floors for me. I got my 25 cents worth!

Creating Laughter, Making Memories

I purchased this for a quarter, filled it, and chased my youngest three around the house simply because I love the sound of their laughter! These girls have their own squirters and are cunning and ruthless with them. 

There's a plan in the works to get all three brothers when they get home from work. The boys are on their own. I'll give Clint a heads up. I don't want to sleep with one eye open. :-)

Be An Encourager!

I have a friend who wanted a new job. It was a big step and carried some risk. She asked me to pray with her about it. We prayed in agreement that God would open the door only if it was the right step for her.

God opened the door, and she was given the job. Right away, she became afraid of failure and constantly questioned her ability. 

I reminded her, "We asked God to open this door if it was right for you. He did. You walked through that door. Don't start looking at yourself now. Keep your eyes on the Lord and run forward without looking back." She asked continually for prayer and needed encouragement a lot early on in this position. Through midnight and early morning texts, I kept telling her God would enable her to do the job He provided for her.

It's been a few years since then. Today, she is not only meeting the minimum of her job expectations, she is exceeding it to the point she is receiving very nice bonuses monthly. She lets me know, and I share in her joy each time she does. She often thanks me for believing in her and being there for her. 

When you are an encourager and prayer warrior for their success, you receive a reward in joy when your friends and family succeed. 

This world is a discouraging place to live. Be the difference in their lives by being an encourager.

Wish them the best!
Offer to help! 
Pray for their success!
Cheer them on!
Remind them of God's promises! 

When we realize how much He loves us, we are able to send that love back out into others around us.

I Thessalonians 5:11 

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

Update on Clint's Arm

The hematoma from giving blood is healing. 

It's still a little sore, but the hard, tender spot of concern is gone.

Caleb's Garter Snakes

Caleb caught a garter snake that gave Emily a scare while pulling weeds this summer. He put it in a terrarium to observe for a while and SUDDENLY there were babies everywhere! They grow very quickly!

They have all been released, but they were fun to watch!

Battle

"The reason why many fail in battle is because they wait until the hour of battle. The reason why others succeed is because they have gained their victory on their knees long before the battle came. Anticipate your battles; fight them on your knees before temptation comes, and you will always have victory."

- R. A. Torrey

Mystique Surfs

Mystique surfs.

Old Lady Cat

Miracle, our old lady cat, loves Joshua. 

All he has to do when he's home is snap his fingers, and she comes running.

Magnolia grandiflora cone and Zelus longipes nymphs

This is the cone of a southern magnolia (Magnolia grandiflora) tree.

I spotted these little assassin bug (Zelus longipes) nymphs on a cone. 

If you look closely at the one in the back in the picture below, you can see the antenna head and proboscis. I've been told they can bite at this stage. I love to learn, but I don't need that lesson! 

These are good bugs in a vegetable garden because they eat the plant destroying pests. However, they are not a butterfly gardener's friend. 

Little Brothers

Amanda has little brothers.
We have a fun family!

Sheltering In for Hurricane Florence

We were issued mandatory evacuation orders yesterday by the state based on our zone. However, things have changed since, and we are sheltering in place. 

Here's our reasoning:

We are on the far north end of the zone. Conditions here will be much different than for our immediate south.

Our expected winds probabilities are: 
50% chance of tropical storm force winds for longer than a minute
5-10% chance of hurricane force winds for longer than a minute

Our expected tides are only going to put a little water in the road. We can still get in and our with our SUVs if needed.

This storm is predicted to be much better than Isabel. 

We don't even expect to lose power at this point.

We have nine people, several pets, livestock, and our homes. 

We are extremely well prepared for our family even if we can't get out for weeks. We are well prepared for living without power for weeks. We've done both before.

We do have a hotel room reserved in PA and have our vehicles ready with gas, important documents, a week's worth of food, and our camping gear.

We follow Wxrisk. DT is impatient, sometimes uses crude language to get his point across, and often late on the deadlines he sets for himself, but he is excellent at his job. He has a sense of humor too. We have been relying on him for weather for years, and he has a better track record with long range predictions than the local guys do. It's his job to help companies plan things around the weather weeks away. He uses much more data than the weather ensembles and gives his science based reasoning and any other possible scenarios with it. The local guys usually start out differing with DT in their forecast, but they usually end up exactly or close to the same forecast as his. It just takes them longer to get there. 

What he wrote below about that new information appearing on most TV stations is exactly what happened. 

Way to Go, Amanda!!

She finally found out!

Our friend was so happy for her that he told us early, but he made us promise not to tell her. 

Amanda has aggressively gone after another promotion at work. She repeatedly asked for training until she received it. She hunted down manuals and brought them home to study. She worked so much overtime it drove me to my knees for her health and safety.

Today, she was told she is getting a big promotion and a big raise!

We are very proud of her and rejoice in her success of achieving her goal. To God be the glory!

Proverbs 14:23 

All hard work brings a profit, 

but mere talk leads only to poverty.

Article: Why We Play the Blame Game

... here are 5 reasons we play the blame game.

1. Blame is an excellent defense mechanism. Whether you call it projection, denial, or displacement, blame helps you preserve your sense of self-esteem by avoiding awareness of your own flaws or failings.
2. Blame is a tool we use when we’re in attack mode. Falling into the category of a destructive conflict resolution method, blame is a way to try to hurt our partners.
3. We’re not very good at figuring out the causes of other people's behavior, or even our own. The attributions we make, whether to luck or ability, can be distorted by our tendency to make illogical judgments. And we're just as bad at making judgments involving the blameworthiness of actions in terms of intent vs. outcome
4. It’s easier to blame someone else than to accept responsibility.There’s less effort involved in recognizing your contributions to a bad situation than in accepting the fact that you're actually at fault, and changing so you don't do it again.
5. People lie. As my colleague, Robert Feldman, discovered, “Everybody lies.” It’s pretty easy just to lie and blame someone else even though you know you’re at fault. You may figure that no one will know it was really you who spilled coffee all over the break room, so you just blame someone else who’s not there (and hope that person never finds out).

Read more of this article at: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201509/5-reasons-we-play-the-blame-game

Many Live as Enemies of the Cross of Christ

Join together in following my example, brothers and sisters, and just as you have us as a model, keep your eyes on those who live as we do. 

For, as I have often told you before and now tell you again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ.  

Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame.

Their mind is set on earthly things. 

But our citizenship is in heaven. 

And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body. 

Philippians 3:17-21

I Hope He Sends You Barn Swallows and Turtles

Originally Published 6/7/14

Last year, after I lost two babies months apart in one pregnancy due to Vanishing Twin and a still birth, I went through some moments where I wondered if God loved me. "Lord, I have trusted you and given You this part of my life, and You use it to rip my heart out eight times now. Do You still love me? Because right now, I do not feel loved at all. Lord, I am asking You, if there is a purpose to all of this, and if You still love me, send me something so I can KNOW it is from You and will know You still love me in the rough patches I know are going to come."

And I heard that quiet, still voice ask, "What would let you know?"

"Lord, I am simple. I don't know...a turtle, Lord, send me a turtle, and I will know." (I have no idea why turtles popped into my mind at that moment.)

No one knew of my struggle because I didn't want to burden the people who were already hurting for me. So, no one knew of my prayer.

The very next morning people brought me five turtles. I never told them why I was acting so odd that day. The turtles kept coming and as they did, I'd sit down and stare at them. I realize as I am typing this I really didn't expect any to show up. 

Over the course of a few weeks, around 20 turtles were brought to me. When the five came, I had a little cry while thanking God for His love for me, a personal and individual love just for me. Then, I became a little floored..so many! "Lord, You are sending so many turtles; I see so much love!" Towards the end, I laughed. "OK, Lord, I get it. You love me without end, but I can't handle any more turtles right now!" I was brought a couple more after that.

Right on the heels of that, swallows came and nested in the awning over my front door. I have lived here 18 years and swallows have never nested at our door before. In fact, they had left our place three years earlier when we lost the big barn in the fire. The nine of us are in and out of that door dozens of times a day EACH. Very high traffic. It was unusual. I did some research on swallows and learned the symbolism behind them. I knew then it was a God-thing too!

Then the swallows needed help due to the heat, so I helped them. Then a cat ate one of the last two fledglings, and I took the other into the house until I knew it could fly well enough to avoid them. When its parents came again, I took it outside and gave them their last surviving offspring. Even though they nested elsewhere this year, the swallows come visit when I am in the yard, closer to me than anyone else, sit on the wire and "talk" to me, they fly circles over my head (the equivalent of them pointing). If I am in the backyard, that's where they will circle. If I am in the front, that is where they will fly over me. Sometimes I can call "Chip, Chip!!" and he will come from somewhere behind our property and fly over me a few times. I can tell Chip from the other swallows because he chatters at me for long moments. The people who have witnessed it are impressed. 

When I see them, which is very often right now, I think of God's willingness and eagerness to show me His love at a time I needed it most. I also think of how little Chip and I both survived a very hard year. We both needed a little bit of help..him from me and me from my Father, but we overcame some harsh realities of life.

Turtles and swallows..it's a God and me thing. You might not understand it, but I do, and that is why He sent them to me. 

No matter what comes in your life, God does love you. Surrendering shows a humble heart willing to honor the Lord with a gift however He sees fit. I was naturally hoping for another baby to hold and raise to adulthood, but God had a greater plan. Because I responded to His call in 1995 and trusted whatever His will for me in that area was, He gave me several children to hold now, several more I will hold in the future, spiritual lessons to better equip me, and at the same time, He gave me a ministry to reach others for Him. 

I also learned better how to pray for those who are hurting. When you are at your lowest, hurting and battered by this life, that is when I pray He will send you barn swallows and turtles...or the equivalent of those in your life...to reaffirm His great love for you.

The loss of any good thing in this world by a Christian is meant to reveal that Christ is more precious than all. John Piper

Psalm 145:9 The Lord is good to all, and his mercy is over all that he has made.

A quick update

I have just returned home for the first time in a couple of days and am very tired from working in the heat for hours today. Please excuse the typos. I head back out tomorrow morning and return home Saturday evening...I think. I am so tired of sweating and am so ready for fall weather! Most of the posts I make are pre-scheduled and set for 12 a.m. This one was posted to let our friends and family know about Clint and has a current time, not the 12 a.m. of the pre-scheduled.

Prayer need: This is the reason I am posting. Clint gave blood through the Red Cross at work yesterday. They poked him a few times on one side and couldn't get it right. They went to the other side, got it started easily, but had to stop right after. They had nicked the vein, and it gave him a good sized hematoma.

He followed their instructions to keep ice on it, but it has still grown. He has a hard spot that is warm and painful. It might be a problem. We are keeping an eye on it.

He and/or his coworkers have had something like this happen every year. I do not know if they are sending student nurses to these places or what, but it is making people not want to give blood. After over a dozen injuries like this over the years, Clint is reconsidering his participation.

*************

While I am here, we received good news for a family member, but I can't share who or what yet. They don't even know yet!

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A big thanks to Bethany who is running the household while I am way from home! She is a tremendous help!

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A big thanks to Amanda for putting Rumble up after he escaped today! He would do that while I am not home!

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A big thank you to Brandon for picking up and bringing supper to Clint and I tonight! And, thank you Amanda for coming to spend time with me and for helping me out! Both of you added sunshine to my day!

Psalm 34:8 

Taste and see that the LORD is good; 

blessed is the man who takes refuge in him,

Graduation Picts

Joshua has started his second semester and is well on his way to becoming a lawyer while working a nearly full time job.

Caleb is getting a degree in construction. He is working two jobs and has nearly finished his first semester in college.

Bethany will soon be studying for a degree in Criminal Justice.

Mystique

picture by Bethany

She Changed It Again

I like this one too! Cute for fall!
I love Amanda's boldness and sense of adventure with her hair.
Her socks are often interesting too.

We Named Her!

Everyone who spent any time with her said, "She's SO sweet!"
So, we named her Sweet Tater aka "Sweetie."
She loves to give long hugs with her paws around our necks and her head on our shoulders.

Want a Ministry? Share Where It Hurts

I recently spoke about this and am sharing here to encourage others.

Sharing about my miscarriages and stillbirths has opened the door to a ministry to so many people. Churches and outreach groups in the US and other countries have published some of my testimony of God's goodness through those very challenging and pain filled days. Other people God helped through my story were friends who were suffering in silence for so long because their church and family did not know how to minister to them. Others are women I have met online. Many of them, I have become good friends with over the years.

Some of those women had been told their miscarried and stillborn children "did not count" as children so they needed to "get over it." I experienced something similar when an in law told me I was being "selfish for crying" as I told the story the day after I lost a baby. She had worked to prevent abortions but had no compassion for a family member having a natural loss! Another family member never expressed sorrow or offered condolences as they complained that my child loss messed up something for them.

This lack of compassion extends to many issues in our church: serious injuries, diseases, terminal illness, special needs children, mental disorders, marriage problems, homosexuality, wayward children, and on and on. Compassion is born through understanding. Who understands better than someone who has been there? Your story and the understanding you have for it can be a gift to the hurting. Helping others can help you make strides in healing.

The women I personally knew only confided in me after I shared publicly which made them feel I was safe person to trust. They saw my hurt and knew I'd understand theirs. A few of those went on to share publicly about their losses. One had suffered in silence for 20 years because of things her family said to her. She cried as she told me she finally felt it was OK to do something to acknowledge and remember her baby. She finally felt it was acceptable for her to name her baby and found peace about her loss. Your unique story can help give a voice and help bring healing to someone else.

Stillbirth. Miscarriage. Those titles don't convey the real life horrors that are hard on the mind and heart. A lesson about body decomposition is not easy to hear right after you have given birth, but it is necessary if you want to hold your baby. That's the easier of the things I know personally. There's much more. Your insider knowledge, those details that are challenging to overcome mentally, can help others struggling with the same or similar.

Nine of the deepest hurts I've ever had gave me a ministry for the Lord and helped grow me spiritually. Nine precious lives opened a wide door that allowed God to work through my life and help point hurting people to Him.

The story you share will continue to reap a harvest. There is a man talking to my husband right now about his relationship with God because of how he saw God working on our lives during that difficult time. I do not know what he saw or heard that planted those seeds. All I had to do was share the story. God is doing the rest.

"Sharing where it hurt" helped others around me, and it helped me too. Because I have seen a little of what God is doing through this door He allowed to be opened in my life, I am confident that what I went through has a purpose and is part of God's plan. The story of my babies is not over yet. There were many tears and deep anguish, but the time for rejoicing is coming! Each of us can choose to take whatever story He has given us and use it for His glory.

God bless each of you who chooses to reach out to others in the great ministry opportunity found in "sharing where it hurts." I am praying for your courage, wisdom, and discretion as you seek to share your story for His glory!

John 4:35 When you plant, you always say, ‘Four more months to wait before we gather the grain.’ But I tell you, open your eyes, and look at the fields. They are ready for harvesting now.