Influences

I shared previously that I forgave a man, who when he was a young teen, sexually assaulted me (story). 

After I fought my date off, I never spoke to him again. I wanted nothing to do with him and went out of my way to avoid him. I did not think highly of him or what he did to me. I wondered what in the world I did to make him think that was OK. Just thinking of him made me feel disgusting about him and myself, so I put it out of my mind. I gave him no head space. I am mentally strong like that. 

Not long after I went out with this guy, I learned I was not the only date who had this kind of experience. Another girl briefly told me what happened to her, but like me, she didn't tell adults out of fear due to the young man's father's position in the community.

More than thirty years passed. When he came back into our circle of friends, God challenged me in this relationship and would not allow me to go forward in my life. God kept me thinking about him and the situation. No matter how hard I tried to stop thinking about it, I couldn't. I knew my Father was hard pressing me on every side to step up and obey.

I humbled my flesh and submitted my heart to obedience. That sounds a lot easier than it actually was. After that heart change in me, I started thinking about it in a way I had not thought about it before. What if I did not know all I thought I knew about that night? What if it was not about me? I wrote many posts that were influenced by this situation, including this post, to reflect where God had my thoughts: 

"What if there was more to the story? 
Who but God can see the entire picture?"

Maybe I didn't know everything. Once I stopped focusing that one event, I remembered why I went out with him. What I saw in him before did not match what happened. Right where God led me to question, there was an answer. I did learn there was more to the story, but I had to obey God before it was revealed.

I later learned he was receiving pressure from an authority in his life to "become a man" during the time we went out. This explains why the adult did not intervene. I do not understand how a man can welcome his son home with an "atta boy" for getting a girl pregnant while at the same time telling his own daughter "If you get pregnant, don't come home." It's a sick mind with backwards thinking! No wonder women struggle inwardly so much when their own fathers and grandfathers are devaluing them with their sinful mindset.

Sometimes young people are so concerned with impressing adults they make bad choices. I am not excusing his behavior. Neither is he. He knew it was wrong, but there was more that contributed to the event. Adults are big influences on young people.

Fathers, instruct your sons to treat females with respect befitting men of godly character and not as objects to conquer for their own pleasure. If you teach them to use females, 

you are guilty of sin against God, the young man, and the females he encounters.

Even worse, you have lead your child to sin.

"Perhaps the most famous mention of a millstone in the Bible is in Jesus’ warning against leading His children astray. He said, “If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them if a large millstone were hung around their neck and they were thrown into the sea” Mark 9:42. Causing a child of God to sin will bring severe judgment. If you would find it hard to swim with a millstone hanging around your neck, you should think twice before tempting God’s child." source