This is the day

What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?

He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?

Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God's elect? It is God that justifieth.

Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us.

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?

As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.

Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.

For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,

Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:31-39

This is the day I set aside every year to allow myself to remember my stillborn and miscarried babies. You see, I have a whole bunch of other children, nine to be exact, that others can't see. I know most women do their remembrances in October, and I do too to some extent. However, this is not about the community of shared losses or about educating others. This day is a day I made time for myself to do whatever I need to do. 

I gave birth to a dead child on this day. I held him and then I left the hospital without him. I paid someone $500 to burn his body into ashes so I could bury him at home. If something like this has never happened to you, you might think that you can't comprehend what it is like. You can't, and I'm glad you can't. It's awful. I survived it and am doing well in life. I think of my babies every day. Sometimes I get down or shed a few tears, but mostly, I am looking forward to the fulfilled promises of my Savior. 

Dear Reader, 

I was changed by my baby losses. The impact of going through that from the first loss to being well along in the healing process was powerful. However, I was and am still being transformed by the love of God I first accepted when I was 7 years old. I am His. There is great value in having your love and faith go under a fiery trial. Nothing, and I mean nothing, that comes can separate me from His love...not even miscarriages and stillbirths and all that goes with it. He is worthy of much more than that! He is so worthy of all of our love, praise, and dedication! I hope you will give Him the opportunity to see His transforming power in your life. My love to you all.

PS-I have one long-time friend who is now in her early 50s. She lost two babies and is still struggling very hard. Most people do not know. They don't understand the source of her long-time depression or realize she has suicidal tendencies. "Be kind to people because they might be fighting battles about which you know nothing." rings very true among the members in the baby loss club. I share this hoping you might be more gentle with the people in your life.