"Loss is loss, whatever the circumstances. All losses are bad, only bad in different ways. No wo losses are ever the same. Each loss stands on its own and inflicts a unique kind of pain. What makes each loss so catastrophic is its devastating cumulative and irreversible nature." -Jerry Sittser A Grace Disguised: How the Soul Grows through Loss
You have no idea what factors are in play that can make a person's grief much worse. Past and current abuse, other losses, guilt, negative thought patterns, and religious beliefs can all be interplaying and creating a greater sense of grief than you may realize. Things happen in crises that people do not feel comfortable sharing because the details are too horrific. I've learned this from counseling women who are struggling with grief.
Don't compare your grief to theirs. Grief is not ever the same. When we suffer a significant loss, we enter a relationship with grief. How we respond to grief and how we navigate through it is as unique as human to human relationships. You do your grief your way, and please, let others do theirs their way.
If you want to minister to them, go to them. Sit with them in person. If you can't be there, "show up" often with texts, messages, calls, video chats, and snail mail. Listen. Let them be free to express themselves verbally and emotionally without shame or judgement. Don't have expectations on how they should navigate through their grief. Just come along beside them and let them know they are loved, valued, and normal. Encourage them to share. Having one compassionate person who really listens and understands makes a big difference.
